A brand new Christmas Song by Musumba Zak, Check it out

Christmas has gone and many of us have spent the day in different ways. Personally I decided to spend my Christmas trying my hand at composing music. I have composed a Christmas song. After composing the song I decided I should share with all of us by uploading the audio on soundcloud. The video will come out sooner than later. So keep waiting. This Christmas song is just 2MBs heavy which means any Ugandan with five hundred shillings airtime can buy 20MBs from MTN and those other guys download the audio, or share this festive season gift with their friends on twitter, facebook, whatups and all.  Otherwise, hope you enjoyed your Christmas and let me also take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year. Click here to listen to the song

Why every guy should consider marrying a Girl from Lira

A couple of months ago, I traveled to Lira to attend a friend’s graduation party. I was fortunate to be in the company of another lady friend with whom we shared an endless streak of stories and confessions on the bus. For purposes of this article we shall call her mercy (real name withheld on request). It was a time to remember, trust me. Mercy and I have since resolved to do more of these kinds of trips together. In fact soon we shall be doing an ‘Around Uganda in 30 days’ kind of journey just for the fun of it. So if you know of any places you can recommend in this country, please do the needful. We shall be more than glad to try them out. 

Beautiful girls should stop complimenting writers for the articles they write

It is one thing to write a wonderful article. But it is another thing when a beautiful girl compliments you for writing that article. It is a satisfying experience. I swear!

However, I thought it prudent to caution my friends who belong to the fairer sex about the implications of those compliments. I am not saying that the girls should stop complementing the writer for the awesomeness they enjoy as result of his efforts but I think there is need for some level of moderation. Just a little moderation you know.

Okay, here is the deal. You see, when you compliment the writer for writing an article, he starts imagining different things. He starts to think that for the joy he has brought into your life, he deserves more than a mere compliment, at least a hug, my friend. If you really enjoy the articles and are simply not feigning the excitement, then I guess a hug is not something too big for him to ask from you. Just saying...

The Marburg scare and why it won’t stop us from hugging

The President of this country his Excellence Yoweri Kaguta Museveni has taken the bother to warn Ugandans against hugging. Why? Because the last thing our President will stand is seeing his subjects, the citizens of this country dying just because they do not have enough self-control in their systems to constrain them from receiving and giving hugs. It is unfortunate.

How blogging connected me to the numerous opportunities that exist on the web

A story is told of a man who played a prank on some lady. At night, the lady sure that the man was dead asleep, took all the man’s money from his pockets and stashed the money into her handbag. But later in the night, the man woke up and took all the money from the lady’s handbag including that of the woman and hid it under the carpet. The woman made off in the morning thinking she had made a killing but the man had had “the last laugh”. Such and many others are the kind of humorous tales that Tumusiime Rushedge also known as Old Fox told in his weekly column in the Sunday Vision back in the day. I never grew up reading his column. I actually started reading his column after his death when the most interesting of his stories were being re-run in honour of the contributions he had always made to the paper.

Stuck in an intricate web of Bakiga girls

Recently I fell in love with a Mukiga Girl (Hereinafter referred to as Mukiga Girl 1). After falling in love with Mukiga Girl 1, another Mukiga girl fell in love with me (Hereinafter referred to as Mukiga Girl 2).

Perhaps Mukiga Girl 2 had always had a crush on me but it’s just a couple of months ago or so that I learnt of her predicament. I call it a predicament because the worst thing that can happen to a daughter of Eve is for her to have a crush on a son of Adam as cantankerous as Musumba Zak. Honestly I feel sorry for that girl.

Every graduate should start a chicken farm instead of looking for a job

It is a year after I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Law and just for the record, I don’t have a job, I don’t have a car, I don’t have a house and guess what? Oh yes, you guessed right, I don’t have a girl friend. Do I have an excuse? Of Course, I do. For the past one year I have been hustling with this Diploma in Legal Practice here at Law Development Centre and I believe that is a good enough excuse.

But we all know I’m just encouraging myself. And some dim-witted nincompoop is about to suggest that I should go sit in some hapless law firm and start slaving for a three hundred thousand shilling salary. I can’t. I swear! I would rather go back to Kikara, my home village and start looking after my grandfather’s cows or at least use that time to look after my small chicken farm here at home.

In fact, thank God, that at least within one year of my graduation, I’ve managed to start my own chicken farm and by the way I intend to be the biggest supplier of Kuroiler Chicken and eggs in this country in the next couple of years. So, take note.

Why my Christian friends should stop forcing me to eat pork

Many friends have tried convincing me to eat pork but to no avail. Unfortunately every time I am about to heed to their pleas and give the damn thing a taste, I get terribly scared and I back off. I just fear what will happen the day I get a taste of that delicacy. Off course my concerned brothers and sisters in Christ have attributed my fears to my Islam background and rebuked me for not getting “saved completely”.

When I grow old, I will say I was there at Uganda's Bayimba Festival of the Arts, 2014

Was it captivating? No, immense. I was there. Oh yes, I was there to behold the beauty of Uganda’s artistry. For the three stages that I had to attend to at the Uganda National Cultural Centre or the National Theatre as most Ugandan know it, a big chunk of my time was spent watching the performances in the Auditorium.  It was the Bayimba Festival of the Arts, 2014, an annual platform that is organized every September to give Ugandans an opportunity to showcase their artistry. This year’s was the seventh edition.

An open letter to that girl who promised “to tell me something”

Dear Girl who promised to tell me something,

I have no time to waste. So I will jump straight into the fray and take the bull by its horns. First, this letter is not just directed to you but to every girl out there that thinks they can make the first move on a guy and get away with it.  So, please share this with that assemblage of busy bodies you call friends and tell them that we can’t keep up with the speed at which they are running after our souls. Call us slow brothers if you want but we need some breathing space. Honestly, we need it.

Poetry vs Guitar Playing

There is a fallacy that has been perpetuated for centuries, that guys who play guitars and strap them around their shoulders are the coolest human beings this world has ever encountered. Unfortunately for them who have believed that lie, I am here to demystify the fallacy, set the record straight and demonstrate to you how the advocates of that erroneous notion are duping the world.

Why guys should stop watching world cup and start reading seriously

I have always thought I am intelligent. But recently, I actually confirmed.  I am. Well, some beautiful girl alleged that I am and who am I to think otherwise? That girl believes I am one of the most intelligent guys she has met in her life. Can you imagine!  But you too can be intelligent if only you wanted to.

In other words, stop watching the world cup and become creative. Now, many of us, the young men just like the sugar daddies with whom we compete for these young girls believe that the only way to impress these girls is to drive cool rides and have a lot of dime to throw around. But allow me demystify that fallacy. Let me introduce you to the most excellent way and teach you how to buy without money.

Lessons from NTV’s Be My Date

I am not the kind that you will find watching NTV’s Be My Date because to me it is nothing more than the English version of Bukedde’s Abanonya. But for the last couple of weeks I have had to endure through the harassment that this proggie has subjected my eyes to because well, the kids at home think Be My Date is the most brilliant invention that NTV has ever come up with. So, to avoid pulling ropes with those little boys and girls, I had to assume that they were right and watched the proggie with them. At the end of it all there were lessons to learn which I thought I should share in this forum.

Slow brothers can find true love: they just don't know how

True love is a myth. True love is simply a dream and does not exist in reality. True love is this. True love is that. And there goes another definition of true-love and the gibberish and the claptrap goes on and on, perpetuated by ignorant folk who know nothing about true love. Now forget about all that drivel and pay attention, just this one time.  This is what True Love is.

True love is determining in your heart and confessing with your mouth that you are in love with somebody’s daughter. Now, some slow brother is going to read that sentence and blather, “but true love is better expressed in sincere acts of love than in the embellishments of pointless confessions of love.” Hey you dreamer, you can be as nice as you want to a woman of God but as long as you never come to that point of believing in your heart and confessing with your mouth that she will be your lady (read lord and saviour), then well your “sins of love” may never be forgiven and in due time and season you will definitely end up in hell.

Of Boda Boda stupidity and Uganda’s mini-phobic gentlemen

Abstract

This research article substantiates on the reasons why every Ugandan should be worried about the country’s alarming levels of mini-phobia. “What the hell is mini-phobia?” You will wonder. Well, before I tell you what mini-phobia is, I will tell you what it is not. Mini-phobia is not a good thing. It is not something that we should be proud of as a country. But if you are really determined to know what it is all about please read on.

Literature review

I am told that Rev. Lokodo is not the first Ugandan to perpetuate the persecution of the miniskirt or the journalists that have misinformed the public by calling the Anti- Pornography Act, the miniskirt law. As a matter of fact that law has nothing or little to do with the miniskirt. So, all journalists and their friends the Boda Boda (Motorcycle Taxi) men are advised to leave the miniskirt alone. That is the only way we can fight this fear of miniskirts or what I was referring to as mini-phobia in the opening abstract.

How campusers can overcome temptations

Simply put, to be tempted is to be lured to eat the forbidden fruit. You remember that story in the Garden of Eden, how the serpent tricked Adam and his wife into eating the thing. The bible says mbu the thing was pleasant to the eye and good for food. But what then is the forbidden fruit. Well, some people want us to imagine that there is something more to this forbidden fruit narrative than what meets the naked eye. But to some of us, the forbidden fruit is just that- the forbidden fruit. No hidden meaning. No nothing.