Lately I have been thinking through the work of the famous
writer Steven Covey in his book the 7 Habits of Highly effective people and I
thought his ideas may help instruct us through the basics of love. Actually
this was supposed to be counselling material for those guys who are just about
to graduate but who also want to get married as soon as they get out of
university. So here we go.
1. Be proactive.
As a man you are expected to provide for your better half. That’s pretty
obvious, right? You see when a woman wants food on her table, you are not going
to tell her “You know what I don’t have a job. Didn’t you read the Daily
Monitor the other day, 68% of the youth in Uganda are jobless and you also know
we are from Kyanamukaka. We don’t have the connections to help us get into
those juicy job placements.”
She will divorce you and get married to a guy who has a job.
I swear. So, what I mean by being proactive is that when you have someone you
have to provide for or if you hope to at some point, you have to get a job. It’s
not option. It’s a must despite all the setbacks that may bedevil the process.
That’s why all those youth you see forming coalitions like the Uganda
Association of the Unemployed, they are not married. The day they get married,
they will look for jobs and will indeed get the jobs they are looking for.
2. Begin with the end
in mind. Now on this one, I will be straight forward and say if you want to
marry a girl bring up the matter at the earliest possible opportunity. Off course
I am not saying you should tell her I want to marry now on the first date but
let your communications (verbal and non-verbal) subtly carry the vital message.
Have you ever wondered why these crude boys whose only intention is to get
girls into bed keep getting even the so called good girls to fornicate? It’s
because they begin with the end in mind. They know their objective, make it
known at the earliest possible opportunity and are never apologetic about it.
They usually appeal to the girl’s fantasies about copulation. When
communicating to a girl, some will crack what my brother calls coarse jokes
that draw subtle pictures of how wonderful the experience of them copulating
with the innocent girl will be. And the next thing you hear is the girl was
dumped by that guy he trusted with her body after a few sessions of fornication.
Now for you my dear brother. You even have good intentions but you still want
to apologize to a girl for telling her you like her. Why should you? Sincerely
why?
3. Put first things
first. Whereas getting married to that woman of your dreams can be the end
in itself, but is it the most important thing that you need? Do you value
marriage more than love, trust and friendship? Sit back and reflect a bit. Do
you really?
So, whereas your ultimate end should always be clear from
the onset, the ultimate question “Will you marry me” should only pop after you
have created a close friendship with the girl where the two of you love and
trust each other. I guess those two should be the first things on the list
though the pursuit of which should not derail you from ultimate end which is to
walk her down the aisle. Now, I may have spoken like a philosopher and confused
you even the more but you see they say ebintu bya laavu bibuzabuza (these
issues of love are a little complex to perceive). Part two of these series
comes out in the next couple of weeks. Save the date.
No comments:
Post a Comment