Christianity versus cohabiting

The challenge I got when I became more committed to my Christian call was that I began poking my nose into what is usually referred to as “other people’s business”. The problem is that the more I got closer to God, the more assured I became of heaven and thus the misplaced assumption that everyone wants to go to heaven like me. I started throwing scripture that is profitable for instruction and reproof at those that are lost; those who do not know what they really want in life, those who are definitely going to hell if they heed not to my counsel.  

Meanwhile, I became uncomfortable with the rate at which I was bumping into girls in our showers at hostel in the wee hours of the morning. Okay, I understand that our hostel is a mixed hostel but there is a wing for the girls and one for the boys. So I expect that the few showers that we share as guys should not be intruded upon by those shameless offenders that spend nights at their boyfriends’ places.

I am one of those conventional Christians that still believe that True Love Waits. I even do not believe in this whole nonsense that two consenting adults should be left to engage in what the kids refer to as bad manners while we, the responsible citizens of this country helplessly look on. So, last week when I bumped into one of the sinners getting out of the bathroom with a white towel wrapped around her body, I was tempted to tell her off.

“So, you are the fellows that have made our hostel a haven for conjugal wrongs?”

She was flustered and on my part I felt a little amused because I knew she had not understood my simple question. For a moment I thought: “You see I am even more intelligent than you but you are here wasting away your life surrendering your precious ‘goods’ to those little fools (excuse the pun).”

But then I remembered that in our professional training we are not taught to ask questions that should intimidate the people we are interviewing or the kind that are targeted at enabling us to impose ourselves on those that we are interviewing  as very intelligent and sophisticated people. Rather we are taught to ask simple straightforward questions, the kind that for instance a witness in the dock would not be intimidated to respond to.

So, I did what I a prudent lawyer would do in the circumstances, rephrase the question.

“Okay I am sorry I confused you,” I apologised, “But all that I wanted to ask is whether you know that cohabiting is a sin.”

A moment of weird silence ensued and being the preacher man that I am these days I thought this was the perfect opportunity for me to push this truth down this lady’s throat.

“By the way, young girl if you are not careful with the irresponsible boys you are consorting with, you may end up going the down the Komuntale lane of marital frustrations”

For my wise counsel I got a hot slap on my jaw. Being the good Christian I turned the other cheek and got another hot one. But at that moment I am sorry I lost it. I placed one as a hot on her jaw in return. I thought she would return the favour of turning the other cheek but instead she dragged me down the embarrassment of an early morning brawl.