An Interview with somebody's chicken during the festive season

This being the most popular festive season in the world I am sure millions of chicken will lose their heads at the hands of human beings. We feel kind of sorry for them and therefore we had our own Tiberindwa Zakaria talk to somebody's chicken to find out whether some of these birds know what is likely to happen to them during the festive season.

(Just before the interview starts with this particular chicken, I have to chase it around the compound for about 15 minutes and when I finally capture it, I ensure that I hold it so tight lest it escapes before we are done with the interview.)

So, why were you running away from me yet I have no intentions to harm you?

How did you expect me to know that? Hmmm! For us every time we see a stranger chasing after us more so during the festive season we just begin suspecting that he is a chicken thief who wants to steal us from our owner. I am shocked you are not a chicken thug.

Eeeh! You chicken also know that things are always tight for you during the festive season?

I cannot fail to know that since I am now more than three years old. Most of the hens that you see around here, I am the one that fathers them. I have seen my father, mother and children facing that murderous knife during such a season just because some human beings want to have the so called sumptuous meals on Christmas.

From the look of things, it is like you have been a kawonawo chicken in this home?

Yes, I have been but I doubt whether, I will survive this time around. My only hope is hinged on the seasonal inflation. If only this inflation bites harder perhaps human beings will not afford to buy us because we are kind of expensive as opposed to things like beef.  But even then I am not comfortable with the way my owner looks at me these days. He admires me so much which is not a good thing for any chicken. Human beings tend to murder and eat those birds that they admire so much.

But have you tried to invent some plans of escaping the knife of death this season given that you are likely to face that knife.

Yes, I tried to stop eating such that I would put off some weight and thus look thin and sickly but meeen! It is not easy to starve oneself. I gave up when I realized I could not handle. However, when I realize that the hour has come for a son of a chicken to die I will begin running around. And I will run so fast such that catching me will not be easy for them though obviously they will catch me at the end of it all. I will do it just for the sake of doing it.

By any coincidence could you be aware of what happens to other creatures like cows and goats during the festive season and if you know, don't think they suffer much more than the chicken do during the festive season?

No I doubt that is the case. The reason why I think chicken suffer more during the festive season is because we are smaller and more delicious than those creatures. One human being can eat a whole chicken alone if he is really determined which cannot happen with a goat or a cow. If you get the maths and the science therein you will understand that more chicken will face that knife than the cows and goats. May be I am speaking like this just because I am a chicken.

(Oh my God! The chicken has escaped. I could have chased after it but I have asked most of the questions I wanted to ask for the interview.)