Friday, June 8, 2012

A night in the life of an irritating jigger

9:30pm: One good thing I have noticed for the last few days that I have stayed in the foot of a human being is the fact that it is always warm in here unlike outside there in the dust where I used to stay and it was always very cold in the night. 

9:45pm: I do not know how it feels to stay in the hands or others parts of the human being but I am sure that my colleagues that get the privilege of staying in those other parts also have an interesting story to tell.

10:00pm: I have to listen ko to the news today. May be I will hear that some of my kinsmen in Busoga have made a come back with another tantalizing revolution against human beings after that hard-fought defeat they suffered in the first revolution.

10:15pm: In my entire life I will always be grateful to my brothers in Busoga who real proved to this world that we too are creatures worth writing home about. Though we lost that revolution at least I am glad we also managed to murder a few human beings.

10:30pm: The news bulletin is done. This human being who also happens to be my landlord switches off the radio set. This human being is going to sleep well aware that I am one of the tenants on his right foot but he has not even told me good night. I do not think he has bid my tenants in his feet goodnight but never mind I will avenge on their behalf by distressing the hell out of him later in the night.

11:00pm: May be, he never bid me goodnight because the room I rent is between two seemingly insignificant fingers on his foot.

11:30pm: Kyoka the landlord is stupid just one hour and he is snoring like there is no tomorrow. Let me leave him snore for another one or two hours and I will punish him for his crude manners of refusing to bid good night to tenants of his feet like us.

12:00am: Let me also try to find some sleep meanwhile.

1:30am: Damn it, it is one and a half hours now. I have been trying to find some sleep and I have failed just because that landlord’s snore is far more irritating than the sputter of an old tractor. As if ignoring to bid me good night was not bad enough, he now wants to make my life more difficult by snoring like it is the best he can do for this world. He will definitely pay for this.

1:35am: I start itching his feet from my base because it is the only way I can politely wake him up.

1:45am: I started inflicting itches on his left foot like 15 or so minutes ago but he just does not seem to bother. But even then I will not give up, I will just try harder.

1:50am: Finally he wakes up. He is not amused by my itches in his foot and tries to scratch the foot just to counter my itches.

2:00am: Since I keep itching the same spot and he keeps scratching the same spot on his foot soon he begins to feel some pain and I am delighted that I am inflicting some pain on him. My revenge for the rate at which he disorganized my sleep with his reckless levels of snoring has began taking serious shape.

3:00am: I still torment him . I want him to have a genuine reason for evicting me with a safety pin tomorrow. Naye some human beings are really stupid. Kale, even when I came to occupy a room in his feet without his permission, he still cannot have the sense to evict me. Let me torment him, may be he will have some sense after what I have done to him.

4:00am: Let me leave him to have a short nap because tomorrow he is expected to be up by 6:30am such that he can tend to his farm. I can now concentrate on sucking the blood out of this peasant of a man such that I can also survive. No one can survive without eating or drinking you know.

5:00am: Time for Morning Prayer. Oh God! Save me from being evicted from this peasant’s foot or I will be doomed.

5:01am: At least help me stay in his foot and may be then when I have stayed for long I will be given the privilege of becoming a bonafide occupant of this foot.

5:02am: Oh God! Also remember that if I stay here for long I will quickly grow since I am well fed these days and produce some children. I am told you tell us in your word to go and multiply. God this is the best opportunity that I have to multiply.

5:03am: Amen

1 comment:

  1. hhahaha mind blowing humourous n