Tricks of winning Ugandan Voters

You might wonder what pulls the crowds when a politician is "making his points". I have had a lot of fun during the on going campaigns and elections in this country.

In Mbarara, while at a rally, one politician said,"I will build roads for you, I will plant new forests...." and it all seemed like it was not a joke until he broke my lungs with laughter when he deceptively added "I will build dams for you so that you can fish and make your own power." One of the people in the crowd asked,' "We do not have rivers, how will you build the dams?" The politician answered then answered "Even the rivers...i will provide, just give me your mandate.." The Ugandans clapped and eventually gave him votes.

Another scenario, still in western Uganda..some staunch NRM guys convinced people that if they voted for the bus, the bus would be used to ferry the then incumbent candidate in the presidential race, Yoweri Kaguta Museveni away...they did as told. Drama ensued when while tallying..Museveni was winning..they began to fight claiming that they had voted for the bus to ferry Museveni away which turned out not to be the case...

Another stunt that I liked was in Bugerere where there was a Campaign. A young lawyer who was contesting to represent his people in the august house as a Member of Parliament had his game well planned. While at the open air campaigns, the incumbent MP gave his speech and got seated. Now it was the young lawyer's turn...he bravely took stage and with him had a photograph of the incumbent MP dozing in parliament...this was his introduction...you need someone sober for this county...someone who is alert...someone who doesn't doze...one of the people asked..do you have any evidence of anyone who dozed in parliament..the young lawyer could not hesitate but pull out the incumbent MP's photograph...the crowd went in a roar...this was not enough for the incumbent MP. He stood up in rage and went straight to this young contestant and punched him before the public....the public went into a maze and decided not to vote for a chaotic and dozing incumbent MP. The next day, every one lined up to vote for the young lawyer and he won with a landslide...hummm! what a move!

See related Articles on recently concluded Elections in Uganda

Mzee's rap and how music led Mzee into the hearts of Ugandans

Written By,
Michael Aboneka Jr.

A dance to the gates of hell

I danced that day. My legs were all rattled up and my bones were ready
to shake to the legendary Ntogoro (The Banyoro cultural dance). I had spent the previous night  awake and kicking, rehearsing and practicing for that dance. I
am quite certain I never danced as well as to have been noticed by
most of the people in that hall while I was up on that stage but at least I am
privileged to have been noticed by one of the few beautiful daughters
of men on that university campus. She came to me after that dance and shyly, in
her soft sweet voice whispered to my lustful ears "I never knew you
could dance that well".

Oh my God! I almost burst with unquenchable excitement as I for the
first time had received a genuine compliment from a beauty on this planet.

"How could it be! How could it be that of all people on this planet it
is this ANGEL that had appreciated my dancing abilities?" I questioned
my excited and unsettled self.

I knew she had fallen for me at least from the way she spoke and I hope we all know how hard it can be to resist advances of a gorgeous daughter of Eve. Deep in my heart I knew it was impossible for me to give resist her advances; at least that was what my instincts told my soul because her presence consumed me so deeply that night as we descended into a sweet conversation. By that time my mind had seized reasoning as rationally as I always expected it to and it was being fooled by the heart. For the first time I appreciated that scripture that talks of the heart being deceitful above all things

At that time, she seemed to me like that old serpent that had come to entice and lure me into eating the forbidden fruit. But that was only an illusion: in reality she sat just besides me; enjoying every moment of our conversation and waiting for me to suggest for the next course of action. Obviously at that time, the most probable course of action would be to go for a night out. The body was willing but the spirit
objected strongly even reminding me of how it was necessary for me to flee from sin in such tempting moments.

Due to this inner battle, I failed to suggest the next course of
action as soon as she would have wished me to and that is when she run out of patience. She then decided to blurt it out without fear or favor.
"Zak I know you are a committed christian but can't you just escort me for a dance tonight. I would really love to dance with you. You danced so well on that stage and I cannot wait to dance with you."

I knew I had placed my soul between a rock and a hard place. "How could I have accepted my soul to be driven right up to the gates of hell?" I questioned my confused self. However I had to find my way out of this place or else I would end up right into hell.  I quite suspected that her suggestion for a night out was akin to an exciting journey to hell in the company of a murderous but gorgeous Angel and it is then that I gave her the excuse that I was so tired to go with her for a dance but I tried as much as I could to dress this excuse with such amazing sweetness. And when I had convinced her, I then wanted to throw a peck unto her soft chic but before my lips committed that abominable sin, the spirit intervened and commanded them not to do that and that was when I decided to turn the other side and sprinted off. She followed me trying to ran after my soul but before she could catch up with my soul that was actually fleeing from sin I woke up from my slumber. It was a new day, a day after the cultural Gala at the university I attend. Since it was a Sunday , I had to prepare and go for church such that I would learn more about how a son of man can flee from sin and how a young man can keep his way pure

By Tiberindwa Zakaria

I paid for grand pa's sins of wife beating

The other day my grand father was narrating to me how he used to
wallop my grand mother during the days of his youth and intimating to
me how he believes slapping and kicking a woman here and there not to be
something as wicked as many people of this generation think it to be.
I swear I was so baffled that I pulled my chair closer to eagerly
listen to those extreme assertions of my grandfather as he unleashed
more astonishing tales about how he used to thrash his wife without
fear or favor.

While he was narrating about his aggressive escapades with grand ma, I remembered these groups of activists whose billboards are ever discouraging us men from beating the daughters of Eve claiming that beating a woman is what is called domestic violence. So, I decided to inquire for the opinion of grand pa on this matter and whether he is
not aware that beating a woman these days is taken to be a cardinal sin and even some people in this era call it domestic violence.

His wrinkled skin contracted, his eyes brows raised to let his eyes look like they were about to pop out and yelled at me “My son, do not be stupid, I have also heard of that stupidity- the so called domestic violence.”

At that moment shivers had already started running down my spine for I believed my inquiry should have exasperated the old man. However to the relief of my soul he managed to cool down as soon as I would have wished him to. As soon as he recollected his wits he changed what was supposed to be a narration of his whipping antics into a lecture on wife beating and why it should never be associated with domestic violence. He began by reminding me that I am a grown up man who should not be influenced by the opinions of activists to determine what I should do with my wife. He added that besides sometimes beating a woman is a means of showing love to a woman and that even the women know this.


He told me that for instance that at one time he had taken a few months without sharing some slaps and kicks with my grand mother and my
grandma put up a serious protest claiming that he no longer loved her as he had always before just because he had taken some time without thumping grand ma. This was unbelievable but the old man continued with his lecture and assured me that that was the day when he vowed never to take such a long time without walloping my grand mother just to let her stay assured of his sincere love. He then explained that in his marital life, him and grandma used not only to share gifts, hugs and kisses but also a few occasional slaps and kicks and that is why their marriage stood the test of time.

He then concluded the matter by telling me that besides beating a wife being a means of showing love to our female counterparts, it could also be looked at as just simple wear and tear in a relationship or home not domestic violence because that is too hard a phrase to be associated with such a simple thing like wife beating.

Being the wise fool that I am, I was tempted and indeed took the advise of my grandfather seriously. So when I got back with my sweetheart at home, the first thing I did was throw a hot slap at her soft chic when she angered my soul. The next thing I knew after that was that I had been put behind bars for battering a daughter of a man. I could hardly believe but I was there anyway and that is how I realized that old men are not always right; that may be in this modern day and era, we should not take some of their archaic opinions on some matters like domestic violence as seriously as we always take most of their other sometimes pathetic opinions.

See related article on wife beating

UAE: Spousal Abuse never a "right"

By Tiberindwa Zakaria