I stay in Naluvule Wakiso, the town neighboring Nansana on
the Kampala- Hoima highway. Nansana is one of the most famous towns in Wakiso.
It rose to fame when a one Sizzaman Dictionary decided to sing about a certain
Angella of Nansana. But who is Sizzaman Dictionary? A musician who is not worth
your attention because well he is a coward, at one time he was supposed to wed
Straka of the WBS late night fame and he absconded from the noble duty. Can you
imagine!
That sounds like a nice intro because it has a name of a
musician and a famous TV presenter in it. We can now get straight to the gist
of matter which is how to deal with Uganda’s Taxi Conductors.
Course Description
This course has been developed based on my experience with
the taxis that ply their trade on Hoima road ferrying passengers to and from
Wakiso town via Nansana. I believe what happens in these taxis is
representative of what happens in any other taxi elsewhere in this country. So
take note. The course will cover two modules over a period of 5 minutes of
reading.
Module 1
The taxis and songs played therein
Under this module we shall look at how you can use the songs
played in a taxi to determine how you will react to the conductor’s mischief. I
hope you are not one of those people who still consider taxi conductors to be
human beings. They are not. They are little devils (the most mischievous are
usually small in size) dressed in human skin, sent from hell to torment every
Ugandan that is not fortunate enough to travel in a personal car.
So, with that in mind, we shall take you through the
significance of some songs and why they are played in taxis. For a quick
example we shall use Paul Kafero’s Walumbe Zaya and Mathias Walukaaga’s
Katulepuke. When you enter a taxi and they are playing Walumbe Zaya, it means
that however evil the conductor may be, the driver has some semblance of humane
spirituality, (is reflective and he fears death).
The driver may therefore come to your rescue in case the
conductor unleashes his wickedness on you.
However if the song is Katulepuke, it means both the driver
and conductor do not give a damn about your welfare in that taxi and should you
dare any of them, you will suffer the consequences. In such circumstances, it
is better to take in all the nonsense without hitting back because no one will
defend you anyway.
Module 2
The Little things we can do to revenge
Under this module I will narrate to you some of the little
things I have done to take my revenge against the little devils. In most cases
I carry 50 or 20 thousand shilling notes. And when I carry them I wait for that
time when the taxi has taken me one kilometer past the place where it was
supposed to stop when I said Mumaaaso Awo and unleash my big note. Doing usually
flusters Taxi Conductors, more so when they have been asking for the payment
from the time you entered the taxi.
Exercise 1
Hate conductors
Exercise 2
After hating them, the next time you travel in a taxi around
Kampala, travel with a big note follow the prompts on how I unleash it to the
conductors and observe how irritating it will be to the conductor. Write about the
feeling of seeing a conductor irritated and with nothing to do but give you
back your change and submit your write-up next week Wednesday for publishing on
this blog. If you are not as loaded to afford 50 shilling notes in your pockets
every other time you board a taxi, please write ten reasons why you hate taxi
conductors and send us the work by Wednesday next week. Thank you. You can
contact us here.
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