Friday, March 20, 2015

A crash course on how to deal with Uganda's Comunter Taxi Conductors

I stay in Naluvule Wakiso, the town neighboring Nansana on the Kampala- Hoima highway. Nansana is one of the most famous towns in Wakiso. It rose to fame when a one Sizzaman Dictionary decided to sing about a certain Angella of Nansana. But who is Sizzaman Dictionary? A musician who is not worth your attention because well he is a coward, at one time he was supposed to wed Straka of the WBS late night fame and he absconded from the noble duty. Can you imagine!

That sounds like a nice intro because it has a name of a musician and a famous TV presenter in it. We can now get straight to the gist of matter which is how to deal with Uganda’s Taxi Conductors.
Course Description

This course has been developed based on my experience with the taxis that ply their trade on Hoima road ferrying passengers to and from Wakiso town via Nansana. I believe what happens in these taxis is representative of what happens in any other taxi elsewhere in this country. So take note. The course will cover two modules over a period of 5 minutes of reading.

Module 1
The taxis and songs played therein

Under this module we shall look at how you can use the songs played in a taxi to determine how you will react to the conductor’s mischief. I hope you are not one of those people who still consider taxi conductors to be human beings. They are not. They are little devils (the most mischievous are usually small in size) dressed in human skin, sent from hell to torment every Ugandan that is not fortunate enough to travel in a personal car. 

So, with that in mind, we shall take you through the significance of some songs and why they are played in taxis. For a quick example we shall use Paul Kafero’s Walumbe Zaya and Mathias Walukaaga’s Katulepuke. When you enter a taxi and they are playing Walumbe Zaya, it means that however evil the conductor may be, the driver has some semblance of humane spirituality, (is reflective and he fears death). 

The driver may therefore come to your rescue in case the conductor unleashes his wickedness on you.
However if the song is Katulepuke, it means both the driver and conductor do not give a damn about your welfare in that taxi and should you dare any of them, you will suffer the consequences. In such circumstances, it is better to take in all the nonsense without hitting back because no one will defend you anyway. 

Module 2
The Little things we can do to revenge

Under this module I will narrate to you some of the little things I have done to take my revenge against the little devils. In most cases I carry 50 or 20 thousand shilling notes. And when I carry them I wait for that time when the taxi has taken me one kilometer past the place where it was supposed to stop when I said Mumaaaso Awo and unleash my big note. Doing usually flusters Taxi Conductors, more so when they have been asking for the payment from the time you entered the taxi. 
Exercise 1

Hate conductors

Exercise 2

After hating them, the next time you travel in a taxi around Kampala, travel with a big note follow the prompts on how I unleash it to the conductors and observe how irritating it will be to the conductor. Write about the feeling of seeing a conductor irritated and with nothing to do but give you back your change and submit your write-up next week Wednesday for publishing on this blog. If you are not as loaded to afford 50 shilling notes in your pockets every other time you board a taxi, please write ten reasons why you hate taxi conductors and send us the work by Wednesday next week. Thank you. You can contact us here.

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