An interview with the Tsetse fly that is suspected to have spread Sleeping sickness/Nagana to Uganda’s bigwigs
The tsetse fly denies responsibility for the unfortunate predicament.
As we may all know, it is no longer news. The bigwigs in
this God forsaken country we call Uganda have made it a habit to sleep at every
budget reading and State of the Nation Address. It is almost two months since
we last saw the people that matter sleeping during the budget reading and it
seems illogical that the Wireless Connection has decided pick on this matter
after two months. But you see the Wireless Connection is not the kind of place
where you expect people to take logical actions. Anyway just for your sake let
us cook up some explanation that we think will satisfy you.
We were still investigating the matter to establish which of the Tsetse flies in this country has the guts to enter into the mansions or bungalows of our beloved politicians to spread this sickness.
That is why we had not gotten back to you on this matter all this while. Our investigation led us to one smart tsetse fly that we arrested and is under custody. Here we bring you an excerpt of the interview we had with that hell of an insect.
We were still investigating the matter to establish which of the Tsetse flies in this country has the guts to enter into the mansions or bungalows of our beloved politicians to spread this sickness.
That is why we had not gotten back to you on this matter all this while. Our investigation led us to one smart tsetse fly that we arrested and is under custody. Here we bring you an excerpt of the interview we had with that hell of an insect.
The Wireless
Connection: So tell us how you managed to do this. Do you know how much of
a stir you have caused in this country with that proboscis that you have been
injecting into the fat bellies of those ministers in a bid to disorganize their
lives with your Nagana.
Tsetse fly: Point
of correction. I have never disorganized any human being with Nagana. When I am
dealing with human beings, it is usually sleeping sickness that I inject into
their bodies, not Nagana. I only use Nagana when I am messing up the lives of
cattle. That aside, I am just wondering why you imagine that every one that
seeks to mess up a minister’s life should target his/her fat belly. As a matter
of fact, tsetse flies have no issues with ministers’ fat bellies. We hear mbu
it is you citizens that usually have issues with fat bellies. You imagine that
every time a minister “steals” your money he stashes it away in a fat belly but
which I believe is a fallacious presumption.
The Wireless
Connection: So where do they keep all the money they squander in these scandals
that keep popping up every now and then if not convert it into fats which are a
storable form of our cash for purposes of storing it in bellies. Take it or leave
it, our money is stuffed up in those bellies.
Tsetse fly:
Contrary to your assumptions, all your money is stashed away in European banks
not bellies. Do you think the ministers are so stupid to keep such treasures in
a nation of cantankerous lot of citizens like you?
The Wireless Connection: So, what do they keep in those bellies?
Tsetse fly: Nothing.
Just useless fats and funny diseases
The Wireless
Connection: But which diseases apart
from Sleeping Sickness?
Tsetse fly: You
see that is the problem with Ugandans. You make way too many assumptions. Now
you detained me here because well, you assume that your ministers must be
suffering from Sleeping Sickness given that they have been snoozing through the
last couple of Budget readings and States of the Nation Address. But to think
like that is to take a simplistic view of the whole matter. That is why I would
like to categorically state that my colleagues and I have spread no sleeping
sickness to any top gun in this country. The disease that is disturbing your ministers is
greed not Sleeping sickness.
The Wireless Connection:
And how is greed related to the snoozing?
Tsetse fly: You
see most of these occasions like the budget reading happen after lunch. And
according to a research we made we realized that usually because of their
gluttony, your ministers eat way too much during lunch time. And I hope we all
know how the body reacts when it has to digest a lot of food. All its energies
are focused on that task of digesting food leaving no ounce of energy for the
other important tasks. The result is the body asking for a rest while digesting
that food and that is how the bodies of your ministers doze off during
important occasions.
The Wireless
Connection: But we have seen ministers that sleep even during occasions that
happen before lunch like Hon. Henry Muganwa Kajura
Tsetse fly: Now
for that one’s case we shall have to do a little more research. His case is a
special one.
The Wireless
Connection: Thank you for your eye-opening exposition on this matter. I did
not know that Tsetse flies can be this perceptive and intelligent.
Tsetse fly: He he
he, anything is possible in Uganda these days from Tsetse flies spreading
sleeping sickness to ministers to Tsetse flies having a better understanding of
the politics of Uganda than its own citizens do.
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