Thursday, July 18, 2013

It's not sleeping sickness or nagana that is distubing Uganda's bigwigs

An interview with the Tsetse fly that is suspected to have spread Sleeping sickness/Nagana to Uganda’s bigwigs

The tsetse fly denies responsibility for the unfortunate predicament.

As we may all know, it is no longer news. The bigwigs in this God forsaken country we call Uganda have made it a habit to sleep at every budget reading and State of the Nation Address. It is almost two months since we last saw the people that matter sleeping during the budget reading and it seems illogical that the Wireless Connection has decided pick on this matter after two months. But you see the Wireless Connection is not the kind of place where you expect people to take logical actions. Anyway just for your sake let us cook up some explanation that we think will satisfy you.

We were still investigating the matter to establish which of the Tsetse flies in this country has the guts to enter into the mansions or bungalows of our beloved politicians to spread this sickness.

That is why we had not gotten back to you on this matter all this while. Our investigation led us to one smart tsetse fly that we arrested and is under custody. Here we bring you an excerpt of the interview we had with that hell of an insect.

The Wireless Connection: So tell us how you managed to do this. Do you know how much of a stir you have caused in this country with that proboscis that you have been injecting into the fat bellies of those ministers in a bid to disorganize their lives with your Nagana. 

Tsetse fly: Point of correction. I have never disorganized any human being with Nagana. When I am dealing with human beings, it is usually sleeping sickness that I inject into their bodies, not Nagana. I only use Nagana when I am messing up the lives of cattle. That aside, I am just wondering why you imagine that every one that seeks to mess up a minister’s life should target his/her fat belly. As a matter of fact, tsetse flies have no issues with ministers’ fat bellies. We hear mbu it is you citizens that usually have issues with fat bellies. You imagine that every time a minister “steals” your money he stashes it away in a fat belly but which I believe is a fallacious presumption.

The Wireless Connection: So where do they keep all the money they squander in these scandals that keep popping up every now and then if not convert it into fats which are a storable form of our cash for purposes of storing it in bellies. Take it or leave it, our money is stuffed up in those bellies.  

Tsetse fly: Contrary to your assumptions, all your money is stashed away in European banks not bellies. Do you think the ministers are so stupid to keep such treasures in a nation of cantankerous lot of citizens like you?

The Wireless Connection: So, what do they keep in those bellies?

Tsetse fly: Nothing. Just useless fats and funny diseases  

The Wireless Connection:  But which diseases apart from Sleeping Sickness?

Tsetse fly: You see that is the problem with Ugandans. You make way too many assumptions. Now you detained me here because well, you assume that your ministers must be suffering from Sleeping Sickness given that they have been snoozing through the last couple of Budget readings and States of the Nation Address. But to think like that is to take a simplistic view of the whole matter. That is why I would like to categorically state that my colleagues and I have spread no sleeping sickness to any top gun in this country. The disease that is disturbing your ministers is greed not Sleeping sickness.

The Wireless Connection: And how is greed related to the snoozing?

Tsetse fly: You see most of these occasions like the budget reading happen after lunch. And according to a research we made we realized that usually because of their gluttony, your ministers eat way too much during lunch time. And I hope we all know how the body reacts when it has to digest a lot of food. All its energies are focused on that task of digesting food leaving no ounce of energy for the other important tasks. The result is the body asking for a rest while digesting that food and that is how the bodies of your ministers doze off during important occasions.

The Wireless Connection: But we have seen ministers that sleep even during occasions that happen before lunch like Hon. Henry Muganwa Kajura

Tsetse fly: Now for that one’s case we shall have to do a little more research. His case is a special one.

The Wireless Connection: Thank you for your eye-opening exposition on this matter. I did not know that Tsetse flies can be this perceptive and intelligent.

Tsetse fly: He he he, anything is possible in Uganda these days from Tsetse flies spreading sleeping sickness to ministers to Tsetse flies having a better understanding of the politics of Uganda than its own citizens do.      

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