Tuesday, July 31, 2012

How I started 2012, I survived being raped

Today will mark the end of the Seventh Month in 2012 and there is every reason for us to thank our God for thus far that he has brought us. Some of us had almost failed to make it to 2012 but some how we managed to hustle through 2011. On my part, I will never forget and will always thank God for that dark night of a certain day in December 2011 when I survived being raped by a gang of bu stupid girls in my village.
That night, a blanket of darkness had engulfed the village and the village seemed to be comfortably snoring under it.  As usual, given my nocturnal tendencies, I was up and about.  I happened to have been swept off my feet by some belle that lives in a neighboring village and I would conduct all the business concerning that daughter of a man in the night. In our village, the tradition is that we always run afterpeople’s daughters during the wee hours of the night since we spend most of the day time either grazing cows or tending gardens. So after a hard day’s work that is when we move around doing all sorts of crazy things.
Thus it was while I was strolling along a village path that the most unexpected happened. All of a sudden, seven girls sprang from the darkness and rounded me up. When I asked what they wanted, they were frank enough to tell me that they wanted to rape me. Can you imagine! It is an abomination for a woman to rape a man. That is when I felt like the gods in my village must be crazy to plant such stupid ideas into the sane heads of young girls. Now when we talk of women raping men, some of you will argue that a woman cannot rape a man and that some men would simply consider it a blessing if they ever ran into an ambush of female rapists. Unfortunately, even the penal code provisions on rape do not envision scenarios of ladies raping men. I also used to argue until I heard some stories that were flying in from Zimbabwe about a cluster of female rapists that were on rampage that side of the world. There was I in an ambush of the same kind. I quickly thought of a way of getting myself out of this. And I started by putting in a defense of being a virgin. I bargained with these ladies by claiming mbu I am a virgin and therefore was not ready for what I was about to be forced to do. But they simply replied, “Our dear Zakaria we too are virgins. So do not think that you are the only one that is not ready for this. We too are not ready but we also have nothing to do”. 
I immediately looked for another way out and as a result I requested them to allow me tell them some stories before they went on with their hideous plans. Fortunately they were willing to listen to my stories. I told them about a king called Mswati II and how that king is so blessed that every year he is always presented with virgins of all sorts to choose from for his marital consumption. I then told them that being threatened by rape by “seven beautiful virgins” made me feel like King Mswati II. I told them how I was feeling flattered by their efforts to rape me. But then, I suggested that it would be better if they allowed me choose just one of them to rape me since if I were to allow the seven of them to rape me most likely I would die in the process  and they would all lose me. Yet they still needed me alive.
Fortunately this suggestion achieved its intended effect for I had released it to divide up the enemy’s seven- woman army. Indeed this wrecked havoc in the enemy’s camp as they started fighting against themselves, disagreeing to agree or agreeing to disagree on whom amongst them should do the desired job of raping me. Soon a bloody fight had ensued in the camp and the girls started exchanging words. It was not long before; two of them were rolling in the dust wrestling each other. I would have stopped the fight but I also had to save my dear life and get back to my place of abode.

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