The 3 things Museveni should do with all the money he owns in Uganda

The Wireless Connection came across a letter addressed to the president concerning the money he owns in Uganda written by our own Musumba Zak of Naluvule Wakiso and we have decided to reproduce it here. Enjoy your read.

Dear Museveni,

In the good old book, it is said that Money answereth all things. There is also a Luganda proverb with an almost identical meaning in its translation which says essente wekuba egonza wo.

So, when last week, you our dear president took the occasion to remind us that you own all the money in Uganda, I took the remarks seriously. My only concern is whether Sejusa, Mbabazi, Besigye and all those who have messed with you our president in one way or the other are aware of this fact.

On that note therefore I have decided to copy them in this letter so that they can know that you are not their size.

In this letter I have highlighted some of the things we can do with all the money you own in Uganda. For I guess that when the trouble makers know what your money can do, they will appreciate their boundaries and stop crossing them.

#1. Stock Tear Gas. 2016 is a few months away and honestly we have to use some of the money to buy tear gas. It is obvious. What better investment can we make with this money? On this note therefore we should warn Kiiza Besigye that though the size of his eyes (excuse the pun) are supposed to give Ugandans the reason to believe that he has a good vision, in our country only you, the big man in the house, are entitled to having a vision for the country. The tear gas we buy shall be used to drown out the Kiiza Besigye kind of eyes that purport to provide an alternative to the only vision in the country.

#2. Take Janet to Barbados for a holiday. You also know this is a joke. I know how unromantic and old-fashioned you are (Forgive me for being a little crude). To worsen matters, the first lady is just as old-fashioned. We have never seen her in a bikini like some of the first ladies in those cool countries beyond the seas, just saying. I am told you do not believe in PDA (Public Display of Affection). In fact I am told you’re so against the custom that you even detest the tradition of the groom kissing the bride at their wedding. Now Mr. President, that’s funny. I even wonder what made me think that you would buy into this idea of taking your wife to cool holiday destinations like Barbados. It’s not possible. 

Besides, since you are in the privileged position of being the center of everything that happens in Uganda, if you went away even for a day, the nation would break down. You need to supply the money; we depend on your vision to move forward, so generally it is not possible for the country to survive without you.

#3. Redistribute the money in Uganda. Last but not least, since you own all the money in Uganda, I am thinking you’re going to get the money from that wealthy clout of hangers-on that you have and redistribute it to your peasants. I guess it’s that easy for you. They are the ones who vote for you, remember.

Regards

Yours Truly:

Musumba Zak of Naluvule Wakiso

CC: Rtd. Col. Dr. Kiiza Besigye- Former Political Commissar, and Former President Forum for Democratic Change (Sometimes known as Forum for Dangerous Change)

Cc: Hon. Amama Mbabazi, Former Prime Minister and Secretary General NRM

Cc: Gen David Sejusa (Former Chief of Intelligence UPDF)

Cc: Hajji. Elias Lukwago (Former Lord Mayor of Kampala) (Sorry for the error, I am told he’s still the lord mayor)