Slow brothers can find true love: they just don't know how

True love is a myth. True love is simply a dream and does not exist in reality. True love is this. True love is that. And there goes another definition of true-love and the gibberish and the claptrap goes on and on, perpetuated by ignorant folk who know nothing about true love. Now forget about all that drivel and pay attention, just this one time.  This is what True Love is.

True love is determining in your heart and confessing with your mouth that you are in love with somebody’s daughter. Now, some slow brother is going to read that sentence and blather, “but true love is better expressed in sincere acts of love than in the embellishments of pointless confessions of love.” Hey you dreamer, you can be as nice as you want to a woman of God but as long as you never come to that point of believing in your heart and confessing with your mouth that she will be your lady (read lord and saviour), then well your “sins of love” may never be forgiven and in due time and season you will definitely end up in hell.

Of Boda Boda stupidity and Uganda’s mini-phobic gentlemen

Abstract

This research article substantiates on the reasons why every Ugandan should be worried about the country’s alarming levels of mini-phobia. “What the hell is mini-phobia?” You will wonder. Well, before I tell you what mini-phobia is, I will tell you what it is not. Mini-phobia is not a good thing. It is not something that we should be proud of as a country. But if you are really determined to know what it is all about please read on.

Literature review

I am told that Rev. Lokodo is not the first Ugandan to perpetuate the persecution of the miniskirt or the journalists that have misinformed the public by calling the Anti- Pornography Act, the miniskirt law. As a matter of fact that law has nothing or little to do with the miniskirt. So, all journalists and their friends the Boda Boda (Motorcycle Taxi) men are advised to leave the miniskirt alone. That is the only way we can fight this fear of miniskirts or what I was referring to as mini-phobia in the opening abstract.

How campusers can overcome temptations

Simply put, to be tempted is to be lured to eat the forbidden fruit. You remember that story in the Garden of Eden, how the serpent tricked Adam and his wife into eating the thing. The bible says mbu the thing was pleasant to the eye and good for food. But what then is the forbidden fruit. Well, some people want us to imagine that there is something more to this forbidden fruit narrative than what meets the naked eye. But to some of us, the forbidden fruit is just that- the forbidden fruit. No hidden meaning. No nothing.

An Interview with somebody's chicken during the festive season

This being the most popular festive season in the world I am sure millions of chicken will lose their heads at the hands of human beings. We feel kind of sorry for them and therefore we had our own Tiberindwa Zakaria talk to somebody's chicken to find out whether some of these birds know what is likely to happen to them during the festive season.

(Just before the interview starts with this particular chicken, I have to chase it around the compound for about 15 minutes and when I finally capture it, I ensure that I hold it so tight lest it escapes before we are done with the interview.)

Christianity versus cohabiting

The challenge I got when I became more committed to my Christian call was that I began poking my nose into what is usually referred to as “other people’s business”. The problem is that the more I got closer to God, the more assured I became of heaven and thus the misplaced assumption that everyone wants to go to heaven like me. I started throwing scripture that is profitable for instruction and reproof at those that are lost; those who do not know what they really want in life, those who are definitely going to hell if they heed not to my counsel.  

Meanwhile, I became uncomfortable with the rate at which I was bumping into girls in our showers at hostel in the wee hours of the morning. Okay, I understand that our hostel is a mixed hostel but there is a wing for the girls and one for the boys. So I expect that the few showers that we share as guys should not be intruded upon by those shameless offenders that spend nights at their boyfriends’ places.

When I grow up I want to be the Kabaka of Buganda

To begin with, I technically cannot be the Kabaka of Buganda (Uganda’s largest ethnic entity) because I cannot be Born Again. Yes I cannot go back to my mother’s womb and get reborn as a Muganda. I am from the famous Bunyoro Kingdom, what was once a powerful empire here in East Africa but which has now lost its lustre.

But still, I believe there is a way out for me. We can borrow ideas from the concept of being Born Again as understood within the Christian tradition. Under that concept, being Born Again has nothing to do with physical re-birth but rather a spiritual renewal that one receives after one has become an adopted son of the Most High God. That is how we that were once aliens to the promise, we that were once not considered children are now counted as brethren to Christ who is first born son amongst many brethren. Thus it is the very reason why we cry Abba father and also the means through which we have obtained an inheritance in the Kingdom of God.