Tricks of winning Ugandan Voters

You might wonder what pulls the crowds when a politician is "making his points". I have had a lot of fun during the on going campaigns and elections in this country.

In Mbarara, while at a rally, one politician said,"I will build roads for you, I will plant new forests...." and it all seemed like it was not a joke until he broke my lungs with laughter when he deceptively added "I will build dams for you so that you can fish and make your own power." One of the people in the crowd asked,' "We do not have rivers, how will you build the dams?" The politician answered then answered "Even the rivers...i will provide, just give me your mandate.." The Ugandans clapped and eventually gave him votes.

Another scenario, still in western Uganda..some staunch NRM guys convinced people that if they voted for the bus, the bus would be used to ferry the then incumbent candidate in the presidential race, Yoweri Kaguta Museveni away...they did as told. Drama ensued when while tallying..Museveni was winning..they began to fight claiming that they had voted for the bus to ferry Museveni away which turned out not to be the case...

Another stunt that I liked was in Bugerere where there was a Campaign. A young lawyer who was contesting to represent his people in the august house as a Member of Parliament had his game well planned. While at the open air campaigns, the incumbent MP gave his speech and got seated. Now it was the young lawyer's turn...he bravely took stage and with him had a photograph of the incumbent MP dozing in parliament...this was his introduction...you need someone sober for this county...someone who is alert...someone who doesn't doze...one of the people asked..do you have any evidence of anyone who dozed in parliament..the young lawyer could not hesitate but pull out the incumbent MP's photograph...the crowd went in a roar...this was not enough for the incumbent MP. He stood up in rage and went straight to this young contestant and punched him before the public....the public went into a maze and decided not to vote for a chaotic and dozing incumbent MP. The next day, every one lined up to vote for the young lawyer and he won with a landslide...hummm! what a move!

See related Articles on recently concluded Elections in Uganda

Mzee's rap and how music led Mzee into the hearts of Ugandans

Written By,
Michael Aboneka Jr.

A dance to the gates of hell

I danced that day. My legs were all rattled up and my bones were ready
to shake to the legendary Ntogoro (The Banyoro cultural dance). I had spent the previous night  awake and kicking, rehearsing and practicing for that dance. I
am quite certain I never danced as well as to have been noticed by
most of the people in that hall while I was up on that stage but at least I am
privileged to have been noticed by one of the few beautiful daughters
of men on that university campus. She came to me after that dance and shyly, in
her soft sweet voice whispered to my lustful ears "I never knew you
could dance that well".

Oh my God! I almost burst with unquenchable excitement as I for the
first time had received a genuine compliment from a beauty on this planet.

"How could it be! How could it be that of all people on this planet it
is this ANGEL that had appreciated my dancing abilities?" I questioned
my excited and unsettled self.

I knew she had fallen for me at least from the way she spoke and I hope we all know how hard it can be to resist advances of a gorgeous daughter of Eve. Deep in my heart I knew it was impossible for me to give resist her advances; at least that was what my instincts told my soul because her presence consumed me so deeply that night as we descended into a sweet conversation. By that time my mind had seized reasoning as rationally as I always expected it to and it was being fooled by the heart. For the first time I appreciated that scripture that talks of the heart being deceitful above all things

At that time, she seemed to me like that old serpent that had come to entice and lure me into eating the forbidden fruit. But that was only an illusion: in reality she sat just besides me; enjoying every moment of our conversation and waiting for me to suggest for the next course of action. Obviously at that time, the most probable course of action would be to go for a night out. The body was willing but the spirit
objected strongly even reminding me of how it was necessary for me to flee from sin in such tempting moments.

Due to this inner battle, I failed to suggest the next course of
action as soon as she would have wished me to and that is when she run out of patience. She then decided to blurt it out without fear or favor.
"Zak I know you are a committed christian but can't you just escort me for a dance tonight. I would really love to dance with you. You danced so well on that stage and I cannot wait to dance with you."

I knew I had placed my soul between a rock and a hard place. "How could I have accepted my soul to be driven right up to the gates of hell?" I questioned my confused self. However I had to find my way out of this place or else I would end up right into hell.  I quite suspected that her suggestion for a night out was akin to an exciting journey to hell in the company of a murderous but gorgeous Angel and it is then that I gave her the excuse that I was so tired to go with her for a dance but I tried as much as I could to dress this excuse with such amazing sweetness. And when I had convinced her, I then wanted to throw a peck unto her soft chic but before my lips committed that abominable sin, the spirit intervened and commanded them not to do that and that was when I decided to turn the other side and sprinted off. She followed me trying to ran after my soul but before she could catch up with my soul that was actually fleeing from sin I woke up from my slumber. It was a new day, a day after the cultural Gala at the university I attend. Since it was a Sunday , I had to prepare and go for church such that I would learn more about how a son of man can flee from sin and how a young man can keep his way pure

By Tiberindwa Zakaria

I paid for grand pa's sins of wife beating

The other day my grand father was narrating to me how he used to
wallop my grand mother during the days of his youth and intimating to
me how he believes slapping and kicking a woman here and there not to be
something as wicked as many people of this generation think it to be.
I swear I was so baffled that I pulled my chair closer to eagerly
listen to those extreme assertions of my grandfather as he unleashed
more astonishing tales about how he used to thrash his wife without
fear or favor.

While he was narrating about his aggressive escapades with grand ma, I remembered these groups of activists whose billboards are ever discouraging us men from beating the daughters of Eve claiming that beating a woman is what is called domestic violence. So, I decided to inquire for the opinion of grand pa on this matter and whether he is
not aware that beating a woman these days is taken to be a cardinal sin and even some people in this era call it domestic violence.

His wrinkled skin contracted, his eyes brows raised to let his eyes look like they were about to pop out and yelled at me “My son, do not be stupid, I have also heard of that stupidity- the so called domestic violence.”

At that moment shivers had already started running down my spine for I believed my inquiry should have exasperated the old man. However to the relief of my soul he managed to cool down as soon as I would have wished him to. As soon as he recollected his wits he changed what was supposed to be a narration of his whipping antics into a lecture on wife beating and why it should never be associated with domestic violence. He began by reminding me that I am a grown up man who should not be influenced by the opinions of activists to determine what I should do with my wife. He added that besides sometimes beating a woman is a means of showing love to a woman and that even the women know this.


He told me that for instance that at one time he had taken a few months without sharing some slaps and kicks with my grand mother and my
grandma put up a serious protest claiming that he no longer loved her as he had always before just because he had taken some time without thumping grand ma. This was unbelievable but the old man continued with his lecture and assured me that that was the day when he vowed never to take such a long time without walloping my grand mother just to let her stay assured of his sincere love. He then explained that in his marital life, him and grandma used not only to share gifts, hugs and kisses but also a few occasional slaps and kicks and that is why their marriage stood the test of time.

He then concluded the matter by telling me that besides beating a wife being a means of showing love to our female counterparts, it could also be looked at as just simple wear and tear in a relationship or home not domestic violence because that is too hard a phrase to be associated with such a simple thing like wife beating.

Being the wise fool that I am, I was tempted and indeed took the advise of my grandfather seriously. So when I got back with my sweetheart at home, the first thing I did was throw a hot slap at her soft chic when she angered my soul. The next thing I knew after that was that I had been put behind bars for battering a daughter of a man. I could hardly believe but I was there anyway and that is how I realized that old men are not always right; that may be in this modern day and era, we should not take some of their archaic opinions on some matters like domestic violence as seriously as we always take most of their other sometimes pathetic opinions.

See related article on wife beating

UAE: Spousal Abuse never a "right"

By Tiberindwa Zakaria

Why I love to hate weddings

Now I had always thought weddings were all about carrying one's thrilled soul
into the house of God, exchanging rings, promising to live together till death does you part throwing you into hell or heaven wherever you deserve to be thrown and living happily there after but wapi that is not the case. It is not the case at least not from what I heard from my friend, James who tied the knot
recently. James says weddings are just more than those few things that I think weddings are all about.

To begin with, weddings, I am told are about what for lack of a better
phrase, I will call redundant and idle proclamations. For I do not know how
else I can refer to that madness of having to tell people things like “If
there is anyone with any reason whatsoever as to why so and so (for example
James and Caroline) should not be pronounced husband and wife should say it
now or forever hold your peace.” Obviously there are always some people
that have reasons as to why that couple should not marry but just decide to
shut their mouths up or hold their peace for that matter just because they
think weddings are so sacred to be tampered with not even when the truth is the reason for the spoiling of such PURE celebrations. Pure, my foot! Yet when
those seemingly eternal seconds pass, with everyone in that church saying
nothing and the celebrant in that case announces them husband and wife, this
couple will think it is done. A few days, weeks, months or years down the
road the people that held their peace for the few seconds to allow you have
the best out of your wedding party, despair and begin coming with children
that belong to that guy that you said you would stay with till death do you
part. Now that is when reality strikes. Unfortunately not long after this
reality strikes, you begin running up and down to the courts for a hand and
claiming that you can only stay with your husband till the courts do you
part. Yet at the wedding you had pledged that death would play that role of
parting you and your hubby. Redundant promises we should say.

Then, I am also told weddings are about tears. By the way, not tears of joy
but tears of distress and grief. For instance my friend Joseph had this lady
that he promised to wed but before the guy executed his pledges his closest
friend, moved in before him and exchanged rings with the lady. I and Joseph
attended the wedding but how I wish you had been there just to see how
exasperated Joseph was that day. I swear, it had never occurred to me that big
boys sometimes cry not until I saw Joseph that day crying, and real liquid
tears flowing. Tears flooded his eyes causing just two streams that ran down the right and left sides of his cheek with the thought of his closest friend betraying him with the woman of his dreams almost strangling his spirit. Obviously he could have said anything whatsoever to stop his friend and his former love from marrying when the priest urged him to but like I said he never wanted to tamper the PURE occasion.

On the contrary I had another friend that was almost choked with tears on
her wedding evening. Her name is Sarah. Everything had gone well, the
meetings were excellent, the organization of the whole party had been
brilliantly planned, the environment was exceptional with the sun giving the
earth a full shine but then it all crumbled at the altar when one mad woman
stood up. Yes she stood up to say something that would stop Sarah from
marrying the man of her dreams and left her drowned in a sea of tears as she
sank into amazing disbelief and embarrassment. Not even when her gown became a handkerchief to wipe her tears was good enough to dry them up. Now that is what a mad person that does not have any respect for the “purity” in a
wedding is capable of doing. A lot happened after but I am not good at telling sad stories and will just let the story end at that point.

Interestingly we all crave and dream for a beautiful wedding, the sweetest thing
that can happen to someone; so do some of us think but we should remember
that that can only be when we are as honest as we pretend to be when we want
to lure other people into tying the knot with us.

see related article

Traditional Ugandan Wedding Customs

By Tiberindwa Zakaria

Born Again brothers should either style up or force the sisters into hell

Many of you must have heard some of our Christian sisters complaining mbu
Christian brothers are sluggish when it comes to matters of expressing
feelings of love. And there is a general feeling among the few sisters that
shared with me their experiences with the Christian brothers that those
allegations against our brothers are nothing but the truth and only the
truth.

One of those sisters in our church is the 30-year old Jane who always comes
to me grumbling about our brother Samuel. Samuel has done everything to win
Jane’s heart apart from confessing to her that he has feelings for her. Now
the sister is confused, she does not know whether to go on and take the
responsibility of confessing to him or leave everything to destiny such that
she can wait for that day when our brother will style up and have the guts
to confess to her, that is if he ever gets the guts to confess to her
anyway. Jane also whispered to me that the closest the fellow has come to
confessing to her was a few days ago when the guy told her that he loves her
BEAUTIFUL SKIRT.

On the other hand my brother Samuel is saved, BORN AGAIN, spirit filled,
demon chasing and fire spitting. The guy is so pious that one could easily
take him to be a distant relative of God. Unfortunately he leaves on the
planet where “evil things” like “getting attracted to a woman” exist. The
other day he was telling me how the devil and his demons of lust had started
a serious attack on him by invading him with some strong attractions to a
sister in church. The guy said that the attractions are so strong that every
time he sees the sister whom I understand to be Jane, his heart begins
pumping fast and that he just stops understanding himself. Now he has
declared a week of prayer and fasting to overcome those demons of lust.
Meanwhile he will also use that opportunity to strongly call upon the
almighty to do something about his marital status. I hear mbu he is single
and waiting for the lord to help him search for his Mrs. Right. That is how
far some of us can bother our father in heaven. Our father spent his
precious time creating these beautiful sisters that are all over the place
and now some lazy brothers want him to choose for them which of the sisters
amongst them they should marry.

I swear when I heard all this tomfoolery about our sluggish brothers and our
sisters who are almost murdered with injured feelings I not only felt sorry
for our sisters but also wished that some of these sisters had fallen for
BORN AGAIN brothers like us who are not only fast but also always go
straight to the point when dealing with these daughters of Eve in matters of
love. Honestly I will meet a woman for the first time and if I have fallen
for her, will walk right to where she is and tell her “I love you”. It does
not matter whether she says “yes” or “no”. All that matters to me is that I
have told her what my heart feels. After all I am not the first or the last
man to tell her these things and neither am I the first or the last to whose
heart felt confession she will say “no”. That is why, for the few years I
have lived on this earth, apart from my chana, all the other women I tried
to confess to say “no” but that is not anything that has ever bothered my
soul. In fact sometimes I take their "no" to be an
advantage to my chana. That is because honestly one of the few reasons why I am
faithful to that chana of mine is because those various ladies said “no” to
my love proposals other wise I would be sharing my precious love that I
bequeath to her with a few other women. (Hope she does not read this……. but
anyway it is a fact).

By Zakaria Tiberindwa

Indispensable

I cannot hold it any more
It is beyond my understanding
I am puzzled just about to be bamboozled,
Always in a mull because of the beauty I saw last night in my dream
She was an angel sent to me from God.

Her beauty is unexplainable,
Her body complexion indescribable
Her figure just as swift as the ostrich's neck
Her hair as smooth as fine granite and shines like fine gold

She is a wonder in the place
Butterflies linger about her searching for nothing else but...Nectar
Yes, nectar, her body is endowed with every kind of of nectarines,
These send many to throw food at her sight
She is such a beauty that God really put concentration on.

Her smile rivals with the sun's brightness at noon
Her walk competes with that of the fairs
Her nose framed only to capture calculated amount of oxygen
So you can guess the size, but don't get jealous man!!!!
Above all, she was created on Monday.
Yes Monday, come and ask me that creation account
I will encapsulate it for you.
How glad is it to have such an angel in my life
Therefore, give us a break: don't touch her with or without my consent or with my consent
forced.
Stay 100,000 miles away from her because you will melt away
I love the angel.

By
Michael Aboneka Jr.